Explaining Homebirth to the Girls

Image by K. Mochel.

When Drew and I made the decision to have this little boy at home, there were a lot of discussions to be had. We had to be sure we were both okay with the decision. We had both sets of parents to tell and answer a few questions. We had some friends that we wanted to tell in person due to our feeling they might be a tad  - apprehensive -  about the idea. And, of course, we had two little girls to tell.

I struggled with how to tell the girls that Mommy was having a baby at home. We started with Miss Moo, who at 3 has a better understanding of the physiology of the birth process than her sister. She has also experienced a sibling addition before- although I don't know if she truly remembers it or not.  Miss Roo has been present for all the discussions and questions. We've also done a lot of talking to her about her Baby Brother in my belly and his inevitable arrival in our home.

I wanted a little more support in our education process, so I purchased the book We're Having a Homebirth! This fantastic little book is written by the fantastic Kelly Mochel and is available through her website as well as Amazon. If you don't know about it, check out her site and keep reading!

We're Having a Homebirth! is a fantastic little book, narrated by a little girl who's mama is about to have a baby. It explains concepts such as prenatal visits, early labor, transition and delivery, as well as the initial postpartum hours in a simple, concise way that is easy for little children to understand. The images are vivid, modern, eye catching, and simple. (More sample pages can be found here.)

The size of the book is PERFECT for little hands that want to "read" it on their own or closely investigate the action in the illustrations. Moo often asks to read our copy after breakfast and before "school" time starts. She loves pointing out that the new Baby Brother is eating the Mommy's boobies like she and her sister did. She also asks new questions every time we read it,
"Will my baby brother cry a lot?"
"Can I help you take care of him?"
"Will my Baby Brother want to cuddle with me?"

This book has been instrumental in helping her understand what is going on with my body, her Baby Brother's body, and the steps of the impending birth happening in our home. It also gives her a way to be involved "I can make him a birthday cake!!" and the opportunity to ask questions in a comfortable setting by sitting with us to read it.

I highly recommend this little book for your own collection, your midwife's, your doula's, and any (and all ;) ) of your friends! Please feel free to ask any questions you have - but most importantly grab this book!  Although the homebirth community is growing, it's still a small one. We all need to support one another and pass along all the help and information we can!

You're delivering WHERE?? - Do Your (Home) Birth Research

When we made the decision to switch from the birth center to home birth midwife, I knew we'd get some questions and apprehension from some friends and maybe even some family. Both our girls were born under the care of very capable midwives who practiced in connection to either a hospital connected birth center or in a hospital. There was "emergency" care immediately available,  MD's in the facility at all times, and countless amounts of any and all drugs under the rainbow.

Miss Moo's birth was amazing, calming, swift, and everything I had imagined first my birth to be. Miss Roo's labor was a bit forced and had interventions - my membranes were prematurely ruptured and I ended up augmented with pitocin. Her birth was lightning fast - a full 10 cm to born in 2 minutes. Both girls were health, exactly the same size, and I was fine - merely a skid mark from their fast exits.

But there's something about the mere mention of giving birth at home that makes many people uncomfortable, even a bit scared. Truly, there's no reason to be either of those things. Home birth midwives aren't scary. They don't practice witchcraft or any kinds of sacrifices. They are extremely educated, experienced, and intuitive when it comes to the pregnancy and birth. They have families, lives, and interests outside of birth. They spend copious amounts of time with their clients, treating each woman as a person with a life and a family - not just a uterus that is occupied and needs to be checked on a routine basis.

Anyone considering home birth has done their homework. There are risks associated with a home birth, just as with ANY birth, even those in a hospital. Home birth is best suited for women with normal, low or no risk pregnancies.  Any high risk factors, such as preeclampsia or placenta praevia, should be weighed heavily and discussed with your midwife to determine if you are a good candidate for home birth. Home birth means no immediate access to pain medications or emergency medical interventions. This statement does not mean that any emergency that might occur cannot be addressed and treated - midwives are certified in neonatal resuscitation, can handle a maternal hemmorage to mange, control, or transfer the problem, etc. They are also aware of signs and indications of possible problems before they become emergencies for proper discussion and transfer, if necessary, before they become emergencies. However, home birth carries with it some risk that you and your partner must assess and be comfortable with.

There are tons of wonderful resources, both online, in your area, and in book form.  You can start at the website for the American College of Nurse-Midwives , The North American Registry of Midwives, or Mothers Naturally to find out more about midwives, state laws and regulations in your area, and registries of midwives.  There are tons of  helpful websites about birth in general and home birth. Some of those to use as a resource are:
Bringing Birth Home
My Best Birth
Birth Without Fear

Most of the resource websites out there also have resource pages full of links.

For the bookworm crew, like myself, here are a few books I highly recommend:

Ina May's Guide to Childbirth
Birthing from Within
Pushed: The Painful Truth about Childbirth and Modern Maternity Care
The Birth Partner
The Doula Book
How Big is a Placenta Bowl?
Homebirth: The Essential Guide to Giving Birth Outside of the Hospital

Reasearch. Ask questions. Do more research. You are your biggest advocate and ally. Choose your birth no matter where that birth is or what it looks like. And respect all the various births that are out there. We are all women who carried children and brought them from our bodies. What a miraculous thing we women can do.

Teaching....Childbirth???

Miss Moo is much more aware of my pregnancy this time around. When I was carrying Miss Roo, she was VERY young and only could comprehend that there was a baby in my belly. This time she wants to feel him kick, know what he eats, how he moves, etc. She's interested in who my midwife is and what she does when I visit her. I tell her what she does and how she checks on the baby. I've also told her she can earn a solo visit with me after Christmas - she's getting a stethoscope from NanaPop so I'm sure she'll be excited to go.

We are always very clear and honest with our children when it comes to anatomy and biological processes. We talk about bodily functions openly and clearly so that we know what is going on with them and to teach them how to properly identify their parts and tell us of any problems. Given all the educating that we do with regard to our bodies and their cycles, I should have been ready for the inevitable question she asked me the other day. I SHOULD have been ready but I didn't let myself think she'd  "get" it that well. I had also hoped I would have been better prepared to answer it and in a better setting - not driving on the interstate.

"Mommy, how is my baby brother going to get out of your belly?"

I didn't want to lie to her and I didn't want to scare her. I also had to think fast. So I told her a brief version of the truth.

"You know how you and mommy have vagingas* that make us special? Well it is even more special because it lets babies come out of Mommy's belly. That's how you and Roo came out and your brother will come out the same way. Some Mommies have problems or really big babies and they need help - so they make a cut in their bellies and get the babies out. But Mommy is blessed to have you all with the help of her vaginga."

I glanced in the rear view and could see the wheels turning. Slowly she asked, "If I have a baby - it has to come out my vaginga?"

"Well,yes, but you don't have to worry about that until you are much older, Baby Girl, and we can learn more about all that then."

"Otay, Mommy."

So, now - faced with our planned home birth - I must enter a new level of education with regard to pregnancy and birth. I must decide what involvement she'll have in the prenatal learning as well as the birth. And, I need to find resources to help educate her gently. Although I think the Birth Doll is cool, I don't want to spend the money and I'm not sure we "need" it. There are several books I've seen mentioned around the web that I am considering purchasing for us - specifically We're Having a Homebirth!

But mostly, I'm just going to talk to her. I want her to feel excited about our new family member, her role in his life, and how special and loved she will be by him. If I want to openly communicate with my daughter, I have to do it at every age level and for every situation. I have to talk when she wants to discuss things and educate when I have the opportunity. And above all, I have to make her feel comfortable, listened to, and loved.



*Vaginga is what we have always called vaginas since she started pointing to body parts and naming them - she couldn't get the pronunciation right and we found it endearing.

We're Bringing Birth Home

 My previous two pregnancies and birth experiences were completely different. Miss Moo was born in a birth center attached to a hospital in Northern Virginia and Miss Roo was born on the L&D of a local hospital. They were completely different and both attended by midwives. I wouldn't change the outcomes of either of my births - two healthy girls delivered vaginally with no complications.

This time around, however, I wanted more control. I wanted discussion, options, support, and peace. We began our pregnancy at the free standing birth center here. The midwives there are great and the staff is exceptional. But I still felt that something was missing.

Friday I met with a fantastic midwife and her assistant. We talked birth, testing, options. We discussed what I wanted birth to look like and what their role is during labor and birth. We spoke about Doulas, placentas, and time. And I felt peace wash over me.

My third child, my son, will be born at home. I can't think of a better place for him to come into my arms and  into our family. I'm grateful to have the opportunity, support, and love to begin this journey and I can't wait to see where it ends at the crossroads to the next.