The New Normal* - a.k.a. How to Pee in Public with 3 Kids in Tow

Baby Boy- called Bubba by his sisters- is now over 9 months old. He's crawling everywhere and "talking" a ton. His sisters are in love with him, especially Miss Moo. Weekly the girls have gymnastics on Mondays, Moo had dance on Tuesdays, and the rest of the week is filled with errands.

I'm getting the hang of the rotation and magic involved in outings with three children. The grocery store, Target, and the Library all involve a series of routines as to who gets out of the can first, who hold what door handle, and who gets first dibs on the cart, books, etc.

But the HARDEST of tasks has always been going to the bathroom. It seems simple enough- especially when you have one of more children in a stroller and a Family Restroom. But, suppose you are wearing one who now CRAWLS, have a toddler that still wears diapers buy is too long for a changing table, and you have a 4 year old that is afraid of self-flushing toilets (SFT) in an oversized stall? Ahhhh....yes. Hello, NORMAL.

So, this is what we do:
1. Miss Moo goes potty first while I change Bubba's diaper on the changing table and strap him down to it.
2. Moo runs towards me to get away from the toilet as it flushes and is now tasked with "body blocking" Bubba just in case the strap on the table fails for some reason.
(Why can't I put him down? He crawls. In a public potty? EEEW. )

(And, yes,  I COULD put him back on, but, have you ever tried to pee wearing a 20 pound baby who now smells you and needs a refill? It's a bit, distracting, to say the least.)

3. I go to use the potty and Miss Roo stands in front of me. If she's just wet, I change her diaper standing up. (If she isn't, well, that's gonna be a rodeo for a whole new day!)

4. Roo and I both run from the SFT and she stands beside Moo. I strap Bubba back on and we make our way to the sinks.

5. Moo pretty much can get the water and soap without help. I help set up towels for her before I was  my hands.

6. Wearing Bubba, I lift Roo up to gather soap on both of our hands. She "washes" mine and I wash hers them she towels off while I wash my hands.

7. The girls link up and then the inside girl takes my hand.

8. Off we go.

I am very thankful for the concept of Family Restrooms because that gives us a little more space to work with for our task. But mostly, I'm thankful for the small amount of time we have this rhythm worked out. Our new normal is always in flux.

*I'm fairly certain there will be a lot of posts about the New Normal.

Playing Games- A Learning Process

The first few times Miss Moo and I tried to play a game together, it wasn't so successful. She was more interested in reaching the final goal - whatever that was - and I was more interested in being sure she followed the directions properly.

In a lot of cases, we would both end up frustrated. She didn't understand why she couldn't just walk her person around the board or build her city. I wasn't sure why she couldn't just follow the directions.

So, I took a step back- from the games we had, from the places we played, and from the rules.

A New Start

Yesterday, we went to look for a new game to play while we wait for Baby Boy to arrive and in the days following when I won't be able to go up and down the stairs all the time. Even though I tried to steer her away, she kept gravitating toward Cootie. When I conceded- she HUGGED the box.

After nap time yesterday, we opened Cootie in our bedroom floor. Miss Roo sat in my lap. Moo asked me what the paper said to do and we began to play according to the rules. Soon, I could see that Moo was frustrated and Roo had lost interest. I didn't want this game to end up like the others so I put the paper and the die away.  I let them finish their bugs and we cleaned up to head downstairs for dinner.

Tonight after dinner, Moo suggested that we play "sumping" together before books and sleepy nap time. I suggested that we play Cootie. She seemed hesitant at first; once we were washed, brushed, and jammied she was ready to go.

Rather that start the game, I simply got all the pieces out and placed them on our bed- not on the floor. Moo looked at me and asked to build her bug. I told her to go ahead and I reached for a head and body without rolling the die. She seemed a little confused at first but then reached for the pink bug. The three of us started adding pieces and taking them apart. We counted legs, we laughed at silly head, lip, and eye combinations, and we giggled as heads fell off.

Moo building her Cootie.

Soon I noticed something - we were each taking turns with the die and then taking a piece to add to our bug after counting the number on the die.

Roo rolling the die.

Mama Learning

It's in moments like these that I realize that I am just as much a participant in the education of my children as I am a leader. I don't always have the answers or do the right thing. But, I do look to my children for clues into how they best learn and how the enjoy their playtime and "school time". I don't want our homeschooling journey to become more about "doing school at home" than it is about educating them in the best way possible for each of them. 

I never liked Cootie growing up, but after tonight, it's becoming a new favorite for me.

Motherhood is an Education

Tonight was a good start for each of us. Moo and I have been giving each other a lot of "Start Overs" lately- when we leave a store where were had a disagreement and we load into the van, when we reunite after a grumpy nap time sendoff, after a time out or a raised voice. We give cuddles, share a smile, and agree to start over again. She has taught me that we need "Start Overs" in our homeschooling lesson just as much as our routines, disciple, and general life.

My children are teaching me so much more than I could ever possibly teach them.  That is the biggest blessing of Motherhood.

Mommy Guilt - I Worry They Don't Learn Enough

Sometimes, I worry that I'm not teaching my girls enough. Our structured school time isn't happening as often as I'd like it to be. We do "school" 2-3 days a week. I try to remind myself that if they were in preschool, that would be exactly the same amount they would receive there, but its not easy for me to accept. I feel like I fail on any day that we don't sit down to a table to have school.

Playing magnet paper dolls with Daddy.

We do lots of learning that isn't traditional by many people's standards. We cook- measuring, mixing, applying heat, timing dishes. We do laundry- sorting colors, following directions, learning processes and being able to repeat them, gross motor skills. We color a LOT. We build a lot. We role play a lot, especially with their magnet paper dolls. And we follow whatever interests the girls display on a given week - maps, sharks, butterflies. We read, discuss, and talk CONSTANTLY.

However, I spend time worrying that they aren't learning what they "should" be at their ages. Miss Moo can count and do simple addition and subtraction, but she still struggles to recognize and identify numbers correctly. For Miss Roo, every color is blue- so she is occasionally correct when we do color matching but seems to have problems retaining the correct colors long term. 

And then, there are days like today. While on a trip to gather a stockpile for the pantry from Trader Joe's, Moo saw a dotted circle around a logo on a can. She picked it up, pointed at it and said, "Mommy look! We need to trace this line!" She then played with another girl her age at the mall play area and was able to interact,communicate, and lead with no problems. She assisted in counting and unpacking all our goods and telling me how many were left and where they belonged in our pantry. She also sat down with her Tag Reader and attempted to read with it as Tinker Bell shared her story.

For Roo, we talked about colors constantly on our errands, but she rarely got them correct. Walking into Hobby Lobby feeling deflated as a mother, she looked up and saw an E in the words on the side of the building. She told me that E stood for her.
"Good job, Roo! What about Moo?"
"M is for Moo Moo!"
"Yes, and who else?
"MOMMY!!"
"Good job, Baby Girl! And what about Daddy?"
"D for Daddy!!"

So, yes, we could do more structured learning. I could force them to sit daily and memorize more facts and standards at the ages of almost 3.5 and almost 2. We could play with flash cards in a standard manner, only follow a set, recommended curriculum, and ignore the interests, learning styles, and strengths our girls display. Or, we could keep doing what we're doing, spend as much time together as we can, and realize that my little girls will only be little for a short time. I want to enjoy it with them rather than worrying that we're lacking in our learning time together.

They're learning and that's the goal.

Little Teaching Tidbits

Sometimes, getting Miss Moo to sit down to do any structured learning is next to impossible.  We have been able to clean up the playroom in the last few weeks, go through and arrange toys, and move out books so that she isn't as distracted by everything that is going on in her space. Doing so has led to some fantastic improvements.

Environment is Important

Cleaning things out has given us the opportunity to actually PLAY more in the playroom.  And the greatest thing about playing is that it leads to TRUE learning. We have built with blocks, colored, drawn and written, taken care of babies, read books, and cooked. Each simple activity has involved problem solving, dramatic play, creativity, motor skills (both fine and gross), and/or some basic subjects- math, reading skills, etc.

My Approach

I am trying to think more outside the box when it comes to homeschooling my children - learning the 3 R's is less imperative than learning life skills and thinking skills. The subjects will come as (and at times after) the foundations are laid. However, I do try to do something daily that deals with some type of "core" learning- whether it is patterns, counting blocks, letter recognition, cooking and measuring, etc.

One Example

This morning after playing with her babies and cooking some pizza, Moo found a little "worksheet" on her chalkboard. It was a simple exercise in letter recognition, letter sounds, and sight words. Once she noticed it I asked if she would like to give it a try. I'm trying to let the structured activities be self-initiated for a change to see if it leads to more interest in any subject areas.  At first she said "No, please," but walked to the chalkboard within a matter of 30 seconds.

Moo's "worksheet"- after Roo's additions.

I gave her no instructions- I simply asked what the pictures were on the board. She would identify the picture and then would tell me the first letter in each word.  She then took it upon herself to circle the correct letter and move to the next image.

At the bottom of the board were the words that corresponded with the images - I responded similarly when she asked what they were. She then related the first letters to the first letters that she has circled above. She looked at me and grinned. "I did it, Mommy!!"

Praise Her, Then Let It Go

I told her what an awesome job she had done and we high five'd. Then she moved on to her next activity of choice - loading produce onto her Whole Food truck. I gave the chalk to Miss Roo- who had been standing by to observe the whole thing - and she began coloring over our "worksheet". She scribbled over "BAT! BAT!" and Moo drove her truck around. 

Then I heard a slightly worried little Moo say, "Mommy, some of produce is missing. There are only 7 crates!"

Playing teaches everything.

Mama, Naturally

Ever since I went through my great weight loss (which I still need to blog about), I've been slowly and steadily cleaning up my act. Once I met and married Drew, it became  a lot easier to change the way we lived because he is so supportive of a natural, real lifestyle. We started with food and once we had children our awareness spread.

Sometimes I am really hard on myself and think that I don't do enough to promote natural living in my children. Then I realized that I do more that I did as a child as does Drew. So I thought I'd take a minute to look at what we DO and WHY it's so important.

The Kids

Miss Roo sleeping in a GroVia AIO.

• Cloth Diapers: Both girls have been mostly cloth diapered since birth. I say mostly because there have been times, travel, sickness, moving, when I just haven't been able to cloth diaper due to time, facilities, and sanity. The girls have been cloth diapered 95% of the time since they were born. Baby Boy will be as well. We cloth diaper not only to cut down on waste- more specifically HUMAN waste- in landfills, but to keep our children free of diaper rashes, harsh chemicals on their skin, and cleaner in clothes. I have never experienced a blow out in a cloth diaper. I don't have to slather my girls with ointment at every diaper change. I don't have to buy diapers every other week or once a month. I just do a load of diapers every 3 days.

Wooden eggs dyed for the girls' Easter baskets.

• More Natural Toys: I haven't found a way to completely escape plastic toys. The girls receive gifts from family and friends. They also have particular things that they gravitate towards- pirates and their ships, Minnie Mouse, farm animals. Each time we purge and donate I try to slip more and more of the plastic stuff into the bags. I try to make gifts for them at every holiday that are cloth or wooden. Our toy kitchen is stocked with felt and wooden food and their dishes are wooden or Green Toys. Our trains and their tracks are wooden as are our fantastic set of building blocks.

• Less Toxins: We don't use traditional bubble baths anymore. We use Dr. Bronner's baby wash for all our bathtub fun. We have wooden and metal toys in the tub. Our toothpastes have ingredients I can pronounce. Their supplements aren't filled with sugar. I get probioitics in them from foods. The juice they drink- with filtered water added - is just that -JUICE.

The Parents

• No 'Poo: I've wondered for years what exactly mainstream shampoo was doing to my hair and my scalp. I spent some time researching it and learned it is essentially detergent. I decided to come off of it. And then I got pregnant and my hormones went NUTS. Everything I had been able to predict about my hair and manage with baking soda and vinegar wash went out the window. I am not using and Aloe based shampoo which I finishing making this little boy. Drew is completely on the no 'Poo routine with baking soda maybe once a week and he's doing great.
• No Deodorant: We don't walk around stinking, we've just changed what we use. We were using Thai Deodorant Stones but I was still experiencing weird reactions to them. We then moved to alcohol while I did further research. After a few weeks, I switched to Milk of Magnesia. Plain 'Ole MOM. I have had no irritation, no sweating, no odor. I use a nickel size under each arm and let it dry before I dress. I spent around $2.50 on a bottle that will last us at least a year.
• No Chemical Skin Care: I used to use all kinds of mass marketed skin care systems. Any time I would miss them for more than a day, my skin would go haywire. I started looking into what some of the chemicals in those cleansers and moisturizers did. Some chemicals in well known skin care lines are used to tan leather. I was done. I now use natural soap and tea tree oil as a cleanser and an oil cleanse 2-3 times a week. 

The Family

Local, organic, from scratch chicken and chili stew.

• Food: We are on a real food diet now for 95% of our food. I say 95% because I am constantly learning and changing. We eat local, grass fed beef, lamb, pork, and chicken. We buy local and organic produce whenever we can. I try to shop the perimeter of the store- produce, meat, dairy, bakery - when at all possible. Some things I have not tried to make yet - bread, noodles, sprouted flour - but I do try to make things I always used to buy - diced tomatoes, sauces, soups. Processed foods are disappearing from our house and being replaced by homemade goods on a weekly basis.
• Laundry Detergent: I now make a powder detergent. It isn't chemical free, but it's low chemical, low suds. I use bar soap, borax, and washing powder in a 1:1 ratio. This item is one of those things that I plan to tweak to lower the chemicals even more, but for now this is far down as I've gotten the mixture. Fabric softeners have left our home as have dryer sheets. I do occasionally use the Lavender sachet's from Trader Joe's to lightly scent our clothes, towels, and sheets.
• Cleaning Products: I use On Guard cleaner from doTerra and Dr. Bronner's for most of our cleaning needs. Peppermint is my Bronner's of choice for general cleaning due to peppermint's antibacterial qualities illustrated in laboratory studies. I do use Clorox wipes when we are all sick in the bathrooms, but otherwise, mainstream cleaners are disappearing. For cutting grease, I use cleaners with a citrus base or make some heated lemon water to scrub through the gook. 

One of our vintage pans.

• Cast Iron: We are slowly acquiring and upgrading to traditional, antique cast iron and enameled modern cast iron. Have you ever noticed little pieces of your non-stick pan were missing? Guess where those went while you were cooking? Modern cast iron isn't as good as the vintage/antique stuff because it is simply cast -not hand turned or smoothed. Drew has become very versed in all things cast iron and has been getting us great pieces to cook with in traditional ways. He's my go to guy.
• Supplements: FCLO, multivitamins, Kombucha, probiotics, essential oils as medicines.

Moving Forward
There are countless additional changes I'd like to make in our home. I'd like our home to have less stuff in it and focus on all aspects of our family. I'd love to establish and maintain a better rhythm. I'd like to have a small garden to grow a few veggies and fruits seasonally. I'd also like to focus more time on my kids and ways to make their world a more inspirational, natural place to learn and evolve. 

As I look at 2013 spread out before me and all the changes it will bring, my only resolution is to be true to myself in my desire to Mama, naturally.


What is your biggest desire this year? Where are the biggest places you find yourself successfully Mama-ing naturally?

Teaching....Childbirth???

Miss Moo is much more aware of my pregnancy this time around. When I was carrying Miss Roo, she was VERY young and only could comprehend that there was a baby in my belly. This time she wants to feel him kick, know what he eats, how he moves, etc. She's interested in who my midwife is and what she does when I visit her. I tell her what she does and how she checks on the baby. I've also told her she can earn a solo visit with me after Christmas - she's getting a stethoscope from NanaPop so I'm sure she'll be excited to go.

We are always very clear and honest with our children when it comes to anatomy and biological processes. We talk about bodily functions openly and clearly so that we know what is going on with them and to teach them how to properly identify their parts and tell us of any problems. Given all the educating that we do with regard to our bodies and their cycles, I should have been ready for the inevitable question she asked me the other day. I SHOULD have been ready but I didn't let myself think she'd  "get" it that well. I had also hoped I would have been better prepared to answer it and in a better setting - not driving on the interstate.

"Mommy, how is my baby brother going to get out of your belly?"

I didn't want to lie to her and I didn't want to scare her. I also had to think fast. So I told her a brief version of the truth.

"You know how you and mommy have vagingas* that make us special? Well it is even more special because it lets babies come out of Mommy's belly. That's how you and Roo came out and your brother will come out the same way. Some Mommies have problems or really big babies and they need help - so they make a cut in their bellies and get the babies out. But Mommy is blessed to have you all with the help of her vaginga."

I glanced in the rear view and could see the wheels turning. Slowly she asked, "If I have a baby - it has to come out my vaginga?"

"Well,yes, but you don't have to worry about that until you are much older, Baby Girl, and we can learn more about all that then."

"Otay, Mommy."

So, now - faced with our planned home birth - I must enter a new level of education with regard to pregnancy and birth. I must decide what involvement she'll have in the prenatal learning as well as the birth. And, I need to find resources to help educate her gently. Although I think the Birth Doll is cool, I don't want to spend the money and I'm not sure we "need" it. There are several books I've seen mentioned around the web that I am considering purchasing for us - specifically We're Having a Homebirth!

But mostly, I'm just going to talk to her. I want her to feel excited about our new family member, her role in his life, and how special and loved she will be by him. If I want to openly communicate with my daughter, I have to do it at every age level and for every situation. I have to talk when she wants to discuss things and educate when I have the opportunity. And above all, I have to make her feel comfortable, listened to, and loved.



*Vaginga is what we have always called vaginas since she started pointing to body parts and naming them - she couldn't get the pronunciation right and we found it endearing.

Does anyone know how to make a Mermaid out of tape???

Apparently, I do. Or, I WILL, rather,  as that is what Miss Moo has requested that we paint.

I purchased a few canvases a week ago with the intention of  teaching shape and line design, along with a little color mixing reinforcement, by creating two canvases in homage to Piet Mondrian.   This particular project was one of my favorite to teach and watch the children enjoy when I was a Pre-K teacher and later a Museum educator. The idea came from this wonderful book by Mary Ann Kohl. (If you like the idea of education and process not product, look her up. She's amazing!)

My Pre-K's LOVED this activity. They loved the bright primary colors with which they painted. They enjoyed laying the tape upon their canvases and watching shapes form between the lines. But mostly, they squealed in delight when they could remove the tape after everything had dried. I loved the activity because we could discuss so many concepts, and they kids could have entire conversations with one another about their individual works.

I couldn't wait to do this activity with Moo. I began telling her what we were going to do while driving home from the park yesterday. She listened intently as I began describing the process. I was almost done with the steps, explaining that when we pulled off the tape shapes would appear.

"How about a Mermaid, also?"

I glanced at her in the rear view mirror.

"The tape will make shapes, baby girl."

Her eyes narrowed a bit. Then she smiled.

"Ummm, no thanks. I think we should matke a mermaid!"

It was then I realized that even thought I may make lesson plans, homeschooling isn't going to be like preschooling.

We chose to start homeschooling this fall because Drew's company's contract is up for renewal, so our short term future isn't certain. I didn't want to enroll her in preschool only to yank her out in a month or two, move her, and start over again. Drew and I had also decided we were going to home school our girls starting at the elementary age, so starting a few years earlier wasn't going to cause any harm. If anything, it would get us all in a rhythm by the time she was "kindergarten ready". I've been reading, researching, compiling, and starting plans. We've been integrating some structured learning, thought she doesn't realize it, into our daily routine. I'm also trying to set up our calendar for outings and field trips once the weather cools down a little.

But unlike Pre-K, here I can focus on my two children and what they actually enjoy and excel in rather than what is required by a higher authority that they master. My Pre-K's didn't really have a choice in what they did, my girls do. In the past my plans were fairly rigid, now they are fluid. It's liberating- and a little terrifying. I'm learning along with my girls, some days MORE than they are. But this is my job now, and I do love a challenge. I was a great teacher in the past, so I hope to be as good to my girls as I was to my previous students.

So during nap today, I better teach myself how to tape down a mermaid so she can paint it. Simple lines just won't do.

Closely Knit

I took a knitting class with a friend from college in March and it was great. While apprehensive at first that I would find knitting frustrating and counter productive, I find it quite the opposite. Knitting has become one of my outlets. It soothes me on days (like today) when I have not been in a room - yes that includes the bathroom - by myself all day. It helps me process when I'm upset or concerned. It helps me wind down at the end of the day. And it helps me feel like I can make something from the simplicity of some yarn and two sticks.

To say I've become a little obsessed in an understatement. I've knitted:

in the van...

in the floor during tantrums...

on the back deck during naps...(by myself!)

in bed.

There have been a few other locations, but I think you get my point. I seem to have knitting projectS with me no matter where I go.  Miss Moo is asking to knit. (There's a story there later). Drew finds it "Neat!" (He's a man of few words so that's a pretty good one.) NanaPop are prepared for a slew of knitted gifts at Christmas.

I am also thankful that knitting is a gift in many ways. Sure I can knit something for someone in a hurry and it's a "gift", but the time I put into things that are gifts for others are precious to me as well. Knitting gives me a sense of myself. Knitting gives my husband a wife who is sane. Knitting provided me the opportunity to make Roo a blanket for her first birthday. (Yes, her blanket was KNITTED. I am registering for a crochet class tomorrow. ) That's an heirloom in the making I hope. Knitting provided us that chance.

Moo sees me sitting quietly and calmly knitting and she sits down and is calm too. She picks up yarn and twirls it in her fingers. She watches what I do and listens as I explain my loops and twirls.  Daily I am reminded that there are so many skills, so many crafts, that will be lost unless we take the initiative to learn them and teach them to our children. In five years I want children who can knit, cook, grow, and create. I want children who take joy in slow creation and uniqueness of their fruition rather than having something that carries a particular label. I strive to not only create things but to create a legacy.

I'm planting that seed with Roo. 

Roo's blanket a few hours before completion.

Cutting through the Grey

I can clearly remember being at a friends party several summers ago. His son wanted to help cut his birthday cake. My friend handed his son the seemingly HUGE knife and said "Here, son. This is the way you cut a cake with a knife." My friend then turned to some of the adults standing around and said "If he wants to use the knife it's my job to be sure he knows how to do it correctly." I must confess that I was one of THOSE friends.

I was quietly appalled. No way, I thought. I continued an internal dialog that warned of the dangers of letting a child so young even touch a knife much less use it for any task. He was much too young and that lesson was misplaced. As a parent I would have said no. As a parent I would have had the final say. As a parent I would have decided the time and place for any lesson dealing with anything "dangerous".  Clearly I was qualified to make such judgments because I had NO children of my own.

Miss Moo is quite bright for not quite two and a half. I know that all parents think that their children are smart and rightly so. There are a few areas where she seems to excel and at times that clouds our memory her age. Lately she has been very interested in helping me in the kitchen during meals and particularly at dinner time. Most nights I spend more time redirecting and then fussing for failed listening on her part than I did listening TO her.

A few weeks ago I was cutting vegetables for our salad while the girls played in the family room. Moo meandered her way into the kitchen and pulled her step stool up to the cart where I was cutting vegetables. "I want to help you Mommy!" she excitedly announced. My first instinct was to send her back to play and remind her that knives aren't toys for little girls. Then suddenly I heard my friend's voice :
"Here, son. This is the way you cut a cake with a knife." 

There was a lesson residing in this moment. Was it a lesson that would be taught?

Did I have the final say as the parent? Of course. Did I say no? Of course not. I smiled and began to show her how to hold a table knife and how to hold the cucumber. We practiced keeping the knife on the end far away from our fingers. We worked slowly. We worked together and then on our own. Making salad was very smooth and stress free that evening.

As parents, there is no manual that magically appears when we have our children. The is a sense of right and wrong, but I have learned more often than not there is a huge area of "grey".  Each child is different. How boring would it be if all children learned in the same way at the same pace? Grey areas can cause a parent and child a great deal of frustration. However they can also be a space of great joy and learning for everyone. Our grey spaces have evolved- we now see the rainbow after the storm rather than the grey skies.

Perhaps I should call my friend and tell him thanks.