Thin Places

The girls and I headed to the park this morning for another dose of Joy. Roo was strapped to me in her carrier and Moo giggled as I pushed her back and forth in the swing. I sipped coffee. It was lovely.

Minutes passed.  More moms and nannies arrived. Children of all ages began playing in various areas of the park. A little fellow and his mommy arrived to swing alongside us. He was wearing a Thomas shirt. Clearly, these were cool people.

The usual "mommy" talk began. We discussed the ages of our children, if two was harder than one, what it was like on Daddies, etc. She shared with me that she wanted another child but recounted how terrible her PPD had been with him. She had stopped nursing. She had been on medication. She was TERRIFIED of that all over again. I could relate. My PPD with Moo was one of the worst experiences of my life. So, I shared with her my experience of placenta encapsulation.

There is a whole other post waiting there, and it will come, but for now what I want to share is the relief that I saw on this mother's face. I could see excitement return to her and a huge weight come off her shoulders. "There is HOPE for me!" she said during our conversation. I gave her my contact information and that of my placenta gal. "Oh, I'm so glad we came to the park today!!"  She graciously thanked me and I told her she was more than welcome - and I meant it. We played for a bit more and we were on our way. As I loaded the girls in the van, she and her little fellow waved and grinned from across the park.

One of the weeks this past year at Women's Group, our leader talked about Thin Places- times when the veil between Heaven and Earth is so thin that you can see God working. There in a parking lot littered with minivans was a Thin Place.

Swings, Sunshine, and Smiles

I grew up in a quasi-rural county. My parent's house sits in the middle of 13 acres at the base of a mountain with a creek. My brother and I spent a lot of time outside. We played in the creek, rode bikes, played all manner of yard games, and we had a swing set.

I cannot properly represent in written word what that swing set meant to me. It was where I played Jem! (for those of you in my generation, I even had a special earring ;)), where I recounted the final scene from Phantom of the Opera over and over again, and where I spent time swinging just to inhale the honeysuckle that grew along our fence line. As the years passed, the role of my swing changed. It was where I went to think about a boyfriend, where I cried when he was gone, where I pondering someday having a family, where I wondered if I ever would. Eventually my single swing was replaced by a two seat wooden one. When I left for college, so did my swing set - finding a home at my brother's house for my niece.

Even though I was all grown up and away at school, I still managed fairly often to find my way to the local park to feed  the ducks and to swing. I'd think about class, or life, or try to escape them both. There was something serene in the simple act of pumping my legs to gain flight. I remember sitting in the swing, feeling the warmth of the sun, and that pure joy made me smile.

Now almost 10 years later, I found myself at a local park at 8:15 in the morning with a cup of coffee, a camera, and two little girls. One blissfully slumbered beside me listening to the giggle of her older sister. The other found a swing, sunshine, and smiled. In that moment, I saw pure joy in her face and felt it creep across mine.

Inspiried by Ani....

I've been trying to get back into the swing of blogging. Now the Mommy of two under two, I really think I feel the need to do so for my sanity. The entries that I had on my previous blog were great, but they represented a static notion of myself. This idea couldn't be further from the truth.

These days I spend my time playing, teaching, cleaning (well sort of), cooking, nursing, and researching. Researching schools, foods, chemicals, parenting, etc. all for the sake of being the best Mommy and wife that I can be. Nothing in my world stands still. Everything is constantly evolving.

A few days ago I introduced Roo to the magic that is Ani DiFranco. She cooed and smiled all the way through 32 Flavors and cried when it ended. I was touched. I continued to listen to that siren of my soul and felt drawn even more than I usually do to the song Evolve. If you have never heard the song, or Ani for that matter, look her up on Pandora. You won't be sorry. The lyrics to the song are as follows:
I walk in stride with people
much taller than me
and partly it's the boots but
mostly it's my chi
and I'm becoming transfixed
with nature and my part in it
which I believe just signifies
I'm finally waking up

and there's this moth outside my kitchen door
she's bonkers for that bare bulb
flying round in circles
bashing in her exoskull
and out in the woods she navigates fine by the moon
but get her around a light bulb and she's doomed

she is trying to evolve
she's just trying to evolve

now let's get talking reefer madness
like some arrogant government can't
by any stretch of the imagination
outlaw a plant
yes, their supposed authority over nature
is a dream
c'mon people
we've got to come clean

cuz they are locking our sons
and our daughters in cages
they are taking by the thousands
our lives from under us
it's a crash course in religious fundamentals
now let's all go to war
get some bang for our buck

I am trying to evolve
I'm just trying to evolve

gunnin for high score in the land of dreams
morbid bluish-white consumers ogling luminous screens
on the trail of forgetting
cruising without a care
the jet set won't abide by that pesky jet lag
and our lives boil down to an hour or two
when someone pulls a camera out of a bag

and I am trying to evolve
I'm just trying to evolve

so I walk like I'm on a mission
cuz that's the way I groove
I got more and more to do
I got less and less to prove
it took me too long to realize
that I don't take good pictures
cuz I have the kind of beauty
that moves


This song has been on repeat in my head since that afternoon. It speaks to my soul. It mirrors my heart.

So here it is. Here is my place of evolution. Here I will talk about whatever is on my mind, from babies, to toddlers, to being crunchy, to homeschooling. I couldn't pick a word or title that defines me because I am still learning who this lady is.

Deuce

Amidst the chaos of moving, unpacking, vacationing, and turning 30, my little girl is growing up. She will be 10 months old on Sunday and the thought of double digits in her "age" is bittersweet.

I love the little girl that she is becoming. Hearing "Mama" is as wonderful a sound as her giggles. Seeing her stand solo and walk b/w furniture with unneeded support from them is exhilarating. Her ability to high five and then clap for herself still amazes me each time. And yet I miss the toothless grins of my new baby. The sweet smell of infant breath. The ability to snuggle her against me without her squirming away.

So I concentrate on what is to come -a birthday party, sentences, steps. I look forward to October and celebrating my little baby and the little girl that she is now.

And, of course, I am hard at work acquiring the monograms for her Big Day.

Deuce

Amidst the chaos of moving, unpacking, vacationing, and turning 30, my little girl is growing up. She will be 10 months old on Sunday and the thought of double digits in her "age" is bittersweet.

I love the little girl that she is becoming. Hearing "Mama" is as wonderful a sound as her giggles. Seeing her stand solo and walk b/w furniture with unneeded support from them is exhilarating. Her ability to high five and then clap for herself still amazes me each time. And yet I miss the toothless grins of my new baby. The sweet smell of infant breath. The ability to snuggle her against me without her squirming away.

So I concentrate on what is to come -a birthday party, sentences, steps. I look forward to October and celebrating my little baby and the little girl that she is now.

And, of course, I am hard at work acquiring the monograms for her Big Day.

Blip on the Screen

Things are s.......l......o.........w.........l........y returning to normal. We are starting to settle in our new house and enjoyed a double birthday (mine and the Mr.'s) at the beach. Posts will increase soon. Well, I hope. For now, all I can say is there's nothing like baby smiles and toes in the sand.

Blip on the Screen

Things are s.......l......o.........w.........l........y returning to normal. We are starting to settle in our new house and enjoyed a double birthday (mine and the Mr.'s) at the beach. Posts will increase soon. Well, I hope. For now, all I can say is there's nothing like baby smiles and toes in the sand.