I'd like to think that I'm a good mother. I have a decent amount of patience and I generally use positive reinforcement, gentle parenting, and redirection. I try not to spank. Moo knows that I will try all other forms of discipline and redirection before I tell her I will spank. Spanking has always been an "attention getter" of sorts. Until today.
Today I spanked out of anger, frustration, and stress. It hurt us both physically and emotionally. She is finishing her sleepy naps right now and I am spending 5 minutes of quiet reflection on the couch as Roo rolls about in the floor with one of her books. This lesson is one that will stay with me far longer than it will with her. I know that Moo will wake up and not have the same recollection of our pre-nap dispute as I do. I will still be Mommy and I will still be her pal. But I have learned that spanking is out of the equation for me. I'd rather remove it as an option than run the risk of letting it be painful again. I debated about writing this post because I know it could bring judgement from others - but I needed to write it to feel as if I am solidifying my resolve on this issue.
I don't strive for perfection because I know I'll fall short. I just owe it to my daughters to be a Mommy who deserves to have them. How could I be true to them if I don't accept and admit my faults?
I can't help but remember the statement:
Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children.
Charles (Chuck) Swindoll
I know I can't undo our day. But I can change the lasting impression, teach her we always say we're sorry, and we always keep our promises.